Okay. Everyone who bet that I would keep Milo go ahead and collect your chips.
I suppose that anyone and everyone who knows me is not surprised in the slightest to hear this news. As for me, I just figured it out today.
Over the weekend, I found myself in a blue funk. I was a bit weepy, and I didn't feel much like talking to people. I attributed it to a few things...mostly PMS and the fact that Sunday was the 1-month anniversary of Tucker's death. However, it was the thought of giving Milo away that caused me to feel the saddest and the weepiest. I continued to try to convince myself that finding another home for him was the most practical and noble thing to do.
Last night, I noticed how at ease Milo feels here. While very affectionate, he's no longer clingy. He doesn't chase me around as often, meowing frantically, if I leave his sight. When he sleeps, he sleeps deeply; so deeply, that I can pick him up and move him without him waking up---he's completely limp as I carry him. He's more playful, and he's very comfortable with Gus and Jasper. He walks right up to them and sniffs them, and he likes to play with their tails. He and Jasper will sometimes stalk and chase each other.
He was stretched out flat on his back last night while he was sleeping. He looked so content and peaceful, as if sleeping were the best thing in the world. I thought to myself, "He thinks he's home", and I started to experience huge waves of guilt. I also became really weepy. I was becoming emotionally attached to another cat who was going to be leaving my life--albeit under happier circumstances--but it was still a potential loss for me.
I became weepy at lunch today while I was talking with co-workers about finding a home for Milo. My friends asked if I were sure that I didn't want to keep Milo. I said out loud "No, I want to keep him." And then a sense of peace came over me, and I stopped crying.
So--to no one's surprise, I'm sure--we're a 3-cat household again.